My Friend Bill’s A No-Account
As recent entries on this blog have shown, I photograph toys with a little help from my friends. And hell, I haven’t even mentioned Kit, who last month gave me (among other things) several G.I. Joe 25th Anniversary comic packs, plus the Max Ray figure I needed to complete my vintage Centurions trio. Alas, his generosity was ill-timed, for when he shared these treasures with me, I’d yet to reclaim my blogging mojo, and now said treasures are in storage, so alas, poor Kit, no toy blog tribute for you.
But to hell with Kit! Today we’re here to talk about Bill, who is a no-account and a bastard.
Bill has always been generous to a fault, and I try my feeble best to reciprocate. Last summer, for example, during our annual visit, he gave me a buttload of awesome toy goodness, including a Masters of the Universe Classics Panthor! But I left that visit feeling fine, ’cause I had purchased for him a staggering assortment of MiniMates, Bill’s consumer obsession of choice; his brilliant MiniMates customs are available for your perusal here:
Last weekened, however, Bill cheated; I’d informed him back in March that I was facing imminent unemployment, and as such I could not offer him anything like the massive haul I shared last year, and he should therefore alter his Monte-shopping plans accordingly. He assured me that he already had two G.I. Joe Hazard Vipers for me, but that his financial situation was no more encouraging than mine, and as such he would curb his spending. Huzzah!
He lied, apparently.
Really, though, I blame myself. I should have remembered Bill’s generous nature, but instead I recklessly asked him via e-mail, “Say, would you someday in the future be willing to trade or sell me one of your extra Lion-O MiniMates figures?”
Instead of answering, he brought the Lion-O to our annual meeting place as a gift… along with Jaga, Snarf, Panthro and Mumm-Ra.
He also gave me several Marvel figures, some badass A-Team and Back to the Future Hot Wheels cars, a Battle Beast comic book, and a Sigma 6 Sky B.A.T., which goes very well with Centurion Ace McCloud.
I’d foolishly sent another short-sighted e-mail asking whether Bill was still attached to his Monkeyman Build-A-Figure, which had been the envy of myself and many a fellow geek back when Sigma 6 was still an active presence on toy shelves. It might not surprise you by this point to learn that he gave me the damn monkey free of charge, too. As noted in the previous post, I intend to use him as a modern version of a vintage Ninja Turtle character called (ahem) Sgt. Bananas. (I think I’ll go with Bill’s suggested name: Sgt. Silverback).
Vintage Sgt. Bananas:
Badass modern version, courtesy of Bill:
Finally, I’d like to address the two Hazard Vipers, both of which Bill bought just for one small accessory, kindly giving the figure and the remaining accessories to me. (Happily, I happened to have an extra of the same accessory, so I included it in this year’s [much smaller] MiniMates haul for Bill.)
The Hazard Viper is arguably the most defiantly orange action figure in toy history, and included in my big ol’ box of badass gifts from Bill was some unidentified alien dude, also orange, and some comically oversized Green Lantern construct-style hand attachments that slide over his arms, and oh my god they look so cool on the Hazard Viper.